The Final Days

It's a deep one...just fyi ;o)
My final days in Modesto are drawing near. I can’t believe it’s been a year and I also cannot believe how far I’ve come in the past year. As many of you recall, I HATED Modesto for quite some time. I was not good at being alone. I’m a people person and I had no people. I get very depressed when I sit around alone, so that was very bad. Having grown up with two sisters, I rarely had to entertain myself. When I moved here, I hated being alone. I missed my family and friends, I hated missing out on what they were doing and I hated that I didn’t have any activities to distract me from the fact that I was missing out. I also hated the heat of Modesto. If I had not had a pool in my back yard this summer, I would have died. I really think I may have…maybe ;o)

Now…I know I am going to miss Modesto so badly. I have met so many wonderful people. I’ve made some great friends through church and work. I loved working at Habitat and I’ll pretty much miss everyone there. I loved the mission we worked for and I love the people we work with. Even Modesto has grown on me. I love that spring weather comes at the time you're thinking, "hey, I'm sick of winter, sure wish spring would come!", I like being close to the city (I could stand being closer), and I like having a pool :o), and I like that there are so many options for mini-weekend adventures so near; however, if it was back to summer temps I may be more excited about leaving :o) I wish I hadn't run out of time to go do and see more Cali-things, but I know I'll definitely be back for visits.

This year has grown me so much. I am so much more independent now. I enjoy weekends and down time much more than before. I feel it's helped me be more comfortable w/ myself...even if that sounds weird. I've become much less shy and much more outgoing. I've always loved getting to know new people, but it made me very nervous. Like...to the point of barfing nervous. I think I've grown from that. Also, giving presentations at school made me shake like the cowardly lion...and I gave orientations often here...and they stopped making me nervous. I mean, certain situations still scare me, but I've definitely grown w/ my speaking skills. This year has helped me rely less on others and more on myself and even God. This year has also helped me so much transition into being a fake-adult ;o) I had such a hard time after college...struggling w/ what to do next, seeing so many of my friends move on to the next step so easily, feeling lost...I hated Idaho because I needed to get away and experience life separate from what I've always known. Living in Nampa just made me sad and long for college again. I knew my place in college, I knew my purpose. I left for Modesto because I was so confused...and Modesto did the trick. I feel like I now am excited for life separate from school. With no one around me, I was forced in to leaning on God, looking for Him, really. Trying to figure Him out. It helped me figure me out a little more. Very exciting. I love being comfortable and happy and excited for life again.

I am SO excited to return to Idaho. I need time to figure out my next step, be it grad school, a short term mission, or pursuing the next stage in my career. I’m excited to have a little more time and stability to relax and sort through all my options. I’m excited for more time with my friends again. To borrow from a fabulous theme song, I’m excited to be back where everybody knows my name. There’s something to be said for that. I don’t have a job yet, but that’s not worrying me too badly. I’ll look more hard core once I can hand deliver my applications. I haven’t gotten any bites on the emails I’ve sent. I don’t know if I’ll stay in Boise for too long. I’m thinking a year or so, but I’m excited for it nonetheless. I’m scared to come back, in a way. I mean, the last time I was in Boise I was so not in a good place. Like I said, in Modesto, I kind of found myself. I'm kind of afraid to return to Boise...that all the old feelings will return...hopefully, though, I'll go back and be able to enjoy post-school-boise-life. I want to get involved in volunteering, in community classes and groups...I'm excited for those possibilities. So much has changed. I know Boise will not be the same Boise I left. That’s exciting and scary all at once. I can’t wait to be around my cousins again. Little kids change so much in a year. I can’t wait to baby-sit and have sleep overs with them again. And to baby-sit Johnny (the new cousin)! I haven’t gotten to baby-sit him yet. I’m excited to have lunch dates w/ my sisters, family and my non-related-sisters again.

I'm always so scared I'll allow life to become something that's not an adventure to me. I'm totally absorbed in the show Bones. I know it's just a tv show, but I want a life that excites me. I know my idea of excitment will change. Maybe some day excitement will be settling down and having some kids...but definitely not right now. I’m excited to find my next adventure, and I’m excited that I know this last adventure has changed me so much as a person. I know God has used it to prepare me for the next one...whatever that may be.
I love knowing that Boise will always be my home-base. I can go all over the world, but I know that going back to the Boise area will always feel like home. No matter how much all of my friends and family there change, I know they will always be my people :o) Thank you to all of you that were there for me throughout this past year. It was so hard for me, but so good. I will be so sad to leave. Funny to be so excited and so sad all at once. What a crazy year. Crazy/good :o)